HCHY List: Asset building and athletics

Mon Sep 15 12:09:22 CDT 2008

Hello All~  I am a high school coach in Indiana.  Have coached football
for over 35 years on all levels.  Coaching youth level football in a park
program has its rewards and joys.  Coaching high school players likewise
has its positives and negatives.  One of the problems, if you want to call
it that, is coaches on the high school level, and even middle school in
our area, are paid to coach AND there are expectations to win!  Park
department or youth football does not have that expectation at least in
our community.  But once someone has their livelihood resting on the
shoulders of a 16-18 year old, the pressure mounts.  Granted, no coach
should use inappropriate language to demean or motivate a player, should
never put an injured player into competition, should never deny water or a
play or two out, etc.  But as you go up the grade level ladder, the games
(and not just football) get faster, more competitive, and the demands
become more intense.  Aspects of high school competition that I hold
dearly are:  #1...more teenage boys are arrested everyday between 3 and
6:30 PM than at any other time.  As a parent I would want my son under the
direction of a coach during those hours if my son has an interest to
particpate. #2:  The friendships developed will stay with them the rest of
their life.  Ever notice at high school reunions, former teammates gather
together.  #3:  There are so many life lessons to be learned in sports,
but the most important one to me is perseverance.  You miss a field goal
attempt, yet another attempt will come along.  You throw an interception. 
No problem.  Payton Manning threw five in one game.  Stay in there and
keep plugging away.  Failures are not those who make the mistakes, but
those who make the mistake and never try again.  This is from a man who
was fired as a coach at one school and then went to another to continue
coaching a sport I enjoy.  And a man who went through a divorce, yet made
the decision to marry again and after almost 20 years in my second
marriage could not be happier.  Finally, and this will not sit well with
some.  One of the joys of football is the all-male environment that
surrounds those young men.  As long as the lessons, taught by concerned
and caring adult men are appropriate lessons, I cannot think of a better
place for a young man to be afterschool if he enjoys football.  Just my
two-cents worth...

John

> Hi Colleen,
>  
> It is good to hear from you again!  I feel your pain having an 11 year old
> athlete that has a "yeller" for a football coach this year.  He is an
> excellent player and has experienced a lot of pressure from coaches ... to
> the point where I was being pressured to allow him to play injured b/c
> they "needed him."  I had to say "hey guys, he's 10 and I would like him
> to not get injured and end his career just yet!"  lol   We recently had to
> talk to his current coach about not letting him off of the field for one
> break during an entire game -- even though he was asking for water and has
> asthma that kicks up when he is dehydrated and overheated!  I've been told
> "good for you" and "you're just being a mom - this is FOOTBALL!" by oher
> parents.  Gets a little confusing ... but I always try to trust my gut,
> talk to my kid and get his permission ... or at least make him aware of
> why/how we are going to intervene when/if it seems important.  We haven't
> hit
>  the "school sports" yet so I am not sure what that will bring ...
>  
> Okay ... so I've heard good things about the Postiive Coaching Alliance
> and have attached their website.  http://www.positivecoach.org/.  Kindness
> Counts used to have a whole section on Coaching that included pledges that
> were signed by students, parents and coaches but I can't find it on-line
> anymore.  Some of my friends heavily involved in baseball passed it on to
> their coaches who adopted it w/ their team.  While most parents and kids
> were happy to sign ... there were some that really raised a stink over
> it.  So, it seems that rocking the proverbial boat goes along w/ trying to
> make these kinds of changes.  The folks that most need it are the ones
> most against it.
>  
> Good luck and let us know how it goes. 
>  
>  
> Lisa DeCarolis, LSW
> North Hills Youth Ministry Counseling Center
>
> --- On Sat, 9/13/08, Colleen Mahoney <mahoneyc at cox.net> wrote:
>
> From: Colleen Mahoney <mahoneyc at cox.net>
> Subject: HCHY List: Asset building and athletics
> To: lisadec2000 at yahoo.com
> Cc: "Healthy Communities Healthy Youth"
> <hchylist at lists.search-institute.org>
> Date: Saturday, September 13, 2008, 10:42 PM
>
>
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> Hi Everyone!
>  
> I haven't written anything for a long time.  Life happens.  :)  Often what
> brings me back to this listserv is both professional and personal...it
> usually has to do with frustrations I face...and things I do not think we
> are doing a very good job at...and that I want to impact. 
>  
> I have a 16 year old son...he is an AP/honors student, a junior in High
> School.  He is also a very gifted 3-sport athlete.  I often say I could
> not have ordered a better son...he is amazing!  He is the way he is
> because of multiple variables--his own nature and efforts, his parents,
> and the wonderful people surrounding him -- other family, teachers,
> friends, coaches, and on and on.  He is one of those young people that
> seems to be resilient-gifted (new word). 
>  
> My biggest frustrations throughout the years as his Mother and as a
> professional working with schools/communities is athletics.  In my eyes,
> the athletic programs of schools (and communities) reflect the "true"
> nature of the school (community).  There are many schools/communities that
> view themselves as "asset rich", yet their athletic programs provide a
> much different picture.  And often they do not want "to go there."
>  
> There are the issues related to coaches: developing athletes and
> individuals, dealing with the athletes that represent top of the line
> student athletes (often these are the ones being brought down these
> days) and those that are at risk, getting beyond the politics (daddies and
> biases, including -- unfortunately -- racism) and communication (most
> really lack here even those that are "teachers/educators.").   I can't
> help but imagine how many opportunities and dreams have (unfairly) been
> shattered, etc. There is the parent end...parents often overstep their
> boundaries today.  Because of that though when we need parents to step up
> they often don't...out of fear of being viewed as "problems" and out of
> concerns for how their child/teen will be treated.  And,
> administrators...most prefer to not have to deal with it. 
>  
> I know Search Institute (and others) have attempted to address this issue
> through publications and so on, but I haven't found a lot of substance in
> truly dealing with the issues.  I recently read an article about what had
> been done at Vanderbilt under President Gordon Gee to change the culture
> of athletics.  Kudos!  Maybe there are implications here for high schools
> (even communities)!?!?
>  
> Colleen Mahoney, Ph.D.
> Health Education/Positive Youth Development Specialist
> Gainesville FL
>
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