the beating athletics take whenever these poor behaviors are exhibited. It is not unique to athleticsRE: HCHY List: Asset building and athletics

[JANICE BROWN]

Hello Jeff and everybody.  I can testify to that one.  I have been a formal=
ly trained musician and an athlete--track, basketball and softball, since J=
unior High.  Yes, the music department is just as competitive as the athlet=
ic department and while the team spirit and character building goes a long =
way toward confidence and other asset building experiences, I can tell you =
some difficult and painful experiences with racial, sexist and general soci=
o-political events that have stayed with me my whole life.  Adults aren't u=
sually privy to the inner workings of their children's social lives, unless=
 things spill over into legal and/or discilpinary conflict.   'One, empower=
 the kids to get involved. It always seems like this type of concern comes =
from a parent. Let's hear the kids' voices.' You're right, Jeff about the k=
ids hanging in there.  I never told anyone about my constant battles with '=
the boys' because I was always the only girl in the drum section--and a Bla=
ck girl, at that.  I was alway a co-section leader, either because the teac=
her's felt the boys would never follow me, a girl, or they were afraid to n=
ot give me an equal opportunity under Title 9.  Either way, there was some =
resentment by 'the boys' but because I always stood my ground, I gained a c=
ertain level of respect and by being good when I was needed, there was only=
 so much teasing they could do to me.  I'm so glad to hear that I wasn't th=
e only one.  Thanks for making this an in depth conversation guys!  Great t=
opic.Janice BrownLicensed Real Estate BrokerPark Terrace.com(616) 498-0401 =
Direct(718) 369-0401 Office

From: jeffreykwells at msn.comSubject: RE: HCHY List: Asset building and athle=
ticsDate: Sun, 21 Sep 2008 21:37:53 +0000CC: hchylist at lists.search-institut=
e.orgTo: janiceintheshade at msn.com


I have taught math and coached various sports in public education for over =
thirty years. Another unique perspective I have is 25 years of officiating =
high school football 'under the Friday Night Lights.'I have seen some of th=
e negatives mentioned in high school athletics from competitive coaches, ov=
er involved dads and moms and other relatives, and emotionally biased commu=
nity people. Let's not forget these 'anti-asset building' behaviors are als=
o evident in speech & drama decisions, band competitions, academic teams, c=
heerleading, ....One of my concerns is the beating athletics take whenever =
these poor behaviors are exhibited. It is not unique to athletics.Sports an=
d other extracurricular activities provide countless examples of positive, =
asset building, experiences that give kids fellowship, healthy activities, =
humble victories, disappointing losses that teach them to be resilient when=
 things don't go their way. There is nothing better than a glorious autumn =
evening for me when the band finishes the National Anthem, and we kickoff t=
o begin yet another high school football game. In officiating, I have alway=
s been the referee closest to the sideline communicating with coaches and p=
layers. I hear alot!  The coaches that treat their kids and officials with =
respect, dignity, and humor were obvious and their success followed. The sc=
reamers and whiners have lost respect from their players, fans, and officia=
ls. The behavior of the coach is imitated by the players and fans.  I have =
also observed that the quality programs have a strong athletic director tha=
t will not tolerate negative coaching. You mentioned 'administrators that p=
refer not to deal with it' That is unfortunate. I have two thoughts in deal=
ing with programs that seem to be too negative. One, empower the kids to ge=
t involved. It always seems like this type of concern comes from a parent. =
Let's hear the kids' voices. Second, check out the 'Children's First' websi=
te from St.Louis Park, Minnesota school district. They have a specific trai=
ning program offered to coaches to be asset builders. I heard their present=
ation by high school students, coaches, and administrators a few years ago =
at the National Asset Building conference in St. Paul.> Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2=
008 13:09:37 -0400> Subject: Re: HCHY List: Asset building and athletics> F=
rom: jslavwccf at kconline.com> CC: hchylist at lists.search-institute.org> To: j=
effreykwells at msn.com> > Hello All~ I am a high school coach in Indiana. Hav=
e coached football> for over 35 years on all levels. Coaching youth level f=
ootball in a park> program has its rewards and joys. Coaching high school p=
layers likewise> has its positives and negatives. One of the problems, if y=
ou want to call> it that, is coaches on the high school level, and even mid=
dle school in> our area, are paid to coach AND there are expectations to wi=
n! Park> department or youth football does not have that expectation at lea=
st in> our community. But once someone has their livelihood resting on the>=
 shoulders of a 16-18 year old, the pressure mounts. Granted, no coach> sho=
uld use inappropriate language to demean or motivate a player, should> neve=
r put an injured player into competition, should never deny water or a> pla=
y or two out, etc. But as you go up the grade level ladder, the games> (and=
 not just football) get faster, more competitive, and the demands> become m=
ore intense. Aspects of high school competition that I hold> dearly are: #1=
...more teenage boys are arrested everyday between 3 and> 6:30 PM than at a=
ny other time. As a parent I would want my son under the> direction of a co=
ach during those hours if my son has an interest to> particpate. #2: The fr=
iendships developed will stay with them the rest of> their life. Ever notic=
e at high school reunions, former teammates gather> together. #3: There are=
 so many life lessons to be learned in sports,> but the most important one =
to me is perseverance. You miss a field goal> attempt, yet another attempt =
will come along. You throw an interception. > No problem. Payton Manning th=
rew five in one game. Stay in there and> keep plugging away. Failures are n=
ot those who make the mistakes, but> those who make the mistake and never t=
ry again. This is from a man who> was fired as a coach at one school and th=
en went to another to continue> coaching a sport I enjoy. And a man who wen=
t through a divorce, yet made> the decision to marry again and after almost=
 20 years in my second> marriage could not be happier. Finally, and this wi=
ll not sit well with> some. One of the joys of football is the all-male env=
ironment that> surrounds those young men. As long as the lessons, taught by=
 concerned> and caring adult men are appropriate lessons, I cannot think of=
 a better> place for a young man to be afterschool if he enjoys football. J=
ust my> two-cents worth...> > John> > > > Hi Colleen,> >  > > It is good to=
 hear from you again!  I feel your pain having an 11 year old> > athlete th=
at has a 'yeller' for a football coach this year.  He is an> > excellent pl=
ayer and has experienced a lot of pressure from coaches ... to> > the point=
 where I was being pressured to allow him to play injured b/c> > they 'need=
ed him.'  I had to say 'hey guys, he's 10 and I would like him> > to not ge=
t injured and end his career just yet!'  lol   We recently had to> > talk t=
o his current coach about not letting him off of the field for one> > break=
 during an entire game -- even though he was asking for water and has> > as=
thma that kicks up when he is dehydrated and overheated!  I've been told> >=
 'good for you' and 'you're just being a mom - this is FOOTBALL!' by oher> =
> parents.  Gets a little confusing ... but I always try to trust my gut,> =
> talk to my kid and get his permission ... or at least make him aware of> =
> why/how we are going to intervene when/if it seems important.  We haven't=
> > hit> > the 'school sports' yet so I am not sure what that will bring ..=
.> >  > > Okay ... so I've heard good things about the Postiive Coaching Al=
liance> > and have attached their website.  http://www.positivecoach.org/. =
 Kindness> > Counts used to have a whole section on Coaching that included =
pledges that> > were signed by students, parents and coaches but I can't fi=
nd it on-line> > anymore.  Some of my friends heavily involved in baseball =
passed it on to> > their coaches who adopted it w/ their team.  While most =
parents and kids> > were happy to sign ... there were some that really rais=
ed a stink over> > it.  So, it seems that rocking the proverbial boat goes =
along w/ trying to> > make these kinds of changes.  The folks that most nee=
d it are the ones> > most against it.> >  > > Good luck and let us know how=
 it goes. > >  > >  > > Lisa DeCarolis, LSW> > North Hills Youth Ministry C=
ounseling Center> >> > --- On Sat, 9/13/08, Colleen Mahoney <mahoneyc at cox.n=
et> wrote:> >> > From: Colleen Mahoney <mahoneyc at cox.net>> > Subject: HCHY =
List: Asset building and athletics> > To: lisadec2000 at yahoo.com> > Cc: 'Hea=
lthy Communities Healthy Youth'> > <hchylist at lists.search-institute.org>> >=
 Date: Saturday, September 13, 2008, 10:42 PM> >> >> >> >> > #yiv2045970792=
 v\:* {}> >> >> > #yiv2045970792 v\:* {> > }> >> >> >> >> >> >> > Hi Everyo=
ne!> >  > > I haven't written anything for a long time.  Life happens.  :) =
 Often what> > brings me back to this listserv is both professional and per=
sonal...it> > usually has to do with frustrations I face...and things I do =
not think we> > are doing a very good job at...and that I want to impact. >=
 >  > > I have a 16 year old son...he is an AP/honors student, a junior in =
High> > School.  He is also a very gifted 3-sport athlete.  I often say I c=
ould> > not have ordered a better son...he is amazing!  He is the way he is=
> > because of multiple variables--his own nature and efforts, his parents,=
> > and the wonderful people surrounding him -- other family, teachers,> > =
friends, coaches, and on and on.  He is one of those young people that> > s=
eems to be resilient-gifted (new word). > >  > > My biggest frustrations th=
roughout the years as his Mother and as a> > professional working with scho=
ols/communities is athletics.  In my eyes,> > the athletic programs of scho=
ols (and communities) reflect the 'true'> > nature of the school (community=
).  There are many schools/communities that> > view themselves as 'asset ri=
ch', yet their athletic programs provide a> > much different picture.  And =
often they do not want 'to go there.'> >  > > There are the issues related =
to coaches: developing athletes and> > individuals, dealing with the athlet=
es that represent top of the line> > student athletes (often these are the =
ones being brought down these> > days) and those that are at risk, getting =
beyond the politics (daddies and> > biases, including -- unfortunately -- r=
acism) and communication (most> > really lack here even those that are 'tea=
chers/educators.').   I can't> > help but imagine how many opportunities an=
d dreams have (unfairly) been> > shattered, etc. There is the parent end...=
parents often overstep their> > boundaries today.  Because of that though w=
hen we need parents to step up> > they often don't...out of fear of being v=
iewed as 'problems' and out of> > concerns for how their child/teen will be=
 treated.  And,> > administrators...most prefer to not have to deal with it=
. > >  > > I know Search Institute (and others) have attempted to address t=
his issue> > through publications and so on, but I haven't found a lot of s=
ubstance in> > truly dealing with the issues.  I recently read an article a=
bout what had> > been done at Vanderbilt under President Gordon Gee to chan=
ge the culture> > of athletics.  Kudos!  Maybe there are implications here =
for high schools> > (even communities)!?!?> >  > > Colleen Mahoney, Ph.D.> =
> Health Education/Positive Youth Development Specialist> > Gainesville FL>=
 >> >> >> >> >> >> > _______________________________________________> >> > =
HCHYlist mailing list> > To unsubscribe, view list archives, or change opti=
ons, go to:> > http://lists.search-institute.org/mailman/options/hchylist/l=
isadec2000%40yahoo.com> >> >> >> > ________________________________________=
_______> >> > HCHYlist mailing list> > To unsubscribe, view list archives, =
or change options, go to:> > http://lists.search-institute.org/mailman/opti=
ons/hchylist/jslavwccf%40kconline.com> >> > > > ___________________________=
____________________> > HCHYlist mailing list> To unsubscribe, view list ar=
chives, or change options, go to: http://lists.search-institute.org/mailman=
/options/hchylist/jeffreykwells%40msn.com
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