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I have read parenting materials for years that talk about modeling what you want your kid to learn and while I still believe in it as an overall concept, I've learned first hand that modeling is not a 100% guarantee of anything. I can agree that sober and/or responsible use in parents is the best starting point, but I don't believe modeling alone solves the problems we're discussing. My two big issues with my son have been about reading and sobriety, both of which is all he's ever seen in his 20 years on this planet with me. I've only seen him pick up a book for to read for pleasure maybe 2 or 3 times and my 28 years of sobriety (and attempts to teach him the perils of my family's legacy) did not stop him from using, although I do think it's helped him with his recovery. I would not like to read another book aimed at parents that makes "modeling" sound like a panacea.<div><div><br></div><div>I do agree that substance use can be a form of self-medication for various issues. To add to the list, especially with regard to ADD/ADHD, is a recent study that shows that nicotine actually has the same impact on the brain as Ritalin. So if a book is going to deal with self-medication issues, I think tobacco should be included.</div><div><br></div><div>Amy I think you're right on about the difficulties parents sometimes have facing the possibility of a diagnosis of some kind with their kids that may mean medications. There are some very meaningful issues there that could be touched upon in this whole discussion within the context of the proposed book.</div><div><br></div><div>Regards,</div><div>Deborah</div><div><br><div> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; "><div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; "><b style="font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; ">Deborah Fisher</b></span></font></div><div>Search Institute author</div><div>National Trainer, Vision Training Associates </div><div>(425) 641-4785 (PST)</div><div><a href="mailto:deborah1701@fishernyberg.com">deborah1701@fishernyberg.com</a></div><div><br></div><div>To be truly radical is to make hope possible rather than despair convincing. </div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre; "> </span><i>Raymond Williams</i><br></div></div></span><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"></span><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"></span> </div><br><div><div>On Aug 13, 2009, at 7:03 AM, Amy Mckinley -X (amckinle - Husted Communications at Cisco) wrote:</div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"><blockquote type="cite"> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2">I place children in the US foster care system with adoptive families and work with a lot of substance and mental health issues. </font></span></div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2"></font></span> </div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2">I'd add to that list the following:</font></span></div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2"></font></span> </div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2">1] advise parents to look closely at their own behaviors and what they might be modeling - particularly around substance use/abuse</font></span></div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2"></font></span> </div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2">2] be aware that some mental health diagnoses [like ADD, bipolar] are self-medicated by substance use. Cocaine or excessive alcohol use can be a way to achieve balance if a child has severe ADD, for example. So be open to the fact that a child <em>could be </em>self-medicating something that could be better addressed in postive ways by diagnosing the issue, getting the child in support groups so they can better understand how their brain works and the positive ways they can modify their behaviors </font></span></div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2"></font></span> </div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2">I'm not advocating for diagnosing kids with things they don't have but if you have a kid heavily self-medicating, there could be something going on biologically. I see parents who are afraid of what it all means and don't get kids the help they need. It's hard to be the parent of a child with mental illness but I think it's harder to look back 20 years later and realize help could have been accessed but wasn't - particularly if a child commits suicide or does something else drastic [which does happen].</font></span></div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2"></font></span> </div> <div dir="ltr" align="left"><span class="236245613-13082009"><font face="Arial" color="#0000ff" size="2">Sorry for the downer ! </font></span></div><br> <div class="OutlookMessageHeader" lang="en-us" dir="ltr" align="left"> <hr tabindex="-1"> <font face="Tahoma" size="2"><b>From:</b> hchylist-bounces@lists.search-institute.org [<a href="mailto:hchylist-bounces@lists.search-institute.org">mailto:hchylist-bounces@lists.search-institute.org</a>] <b>On Behalf Of </b><a href="mailto:ROSYPAT@aol.com">ROSYPAT@aol.com</a><br><b>Sent:</b> Wednesday, August 12, 2009 9:00 AM<br><b>To:</b> Amy Mckinley -X (amckinle - Husted Communications at Cisco)<br><b>Cc:</b> hchylist@lists.search-institute.org<br><b>Subject:</b> Re: HCHY List: Search Institute Press is looking for youropinion--abook on Substance Abuse<br></font><br></div> <div></div><font face="arial,helvetica"><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">List Serve Friends, <br>I recently had about the same conversation with my friend at the Council for Alcohol and Drugs here in Houston. When the question came out, I was interested in the responses but didn't feel as qualified as my friend Karen McWhorter to respond. So I asked her what she thought. I would like to share her response.<br><br>Here it is. <br><br>I agree with the most recent response - I think parents need to be aware of ALL of the types of drugs kids are using....and WHY they are using them. To numb pain, to fit in, stress, etc. While parents need to be informed of what types of drugs there are out there that kids are using (especially prescription drugs) the way I see the assets leading prevention efforts is to link the assets to the information that is out there and show how - when we build specific ones - they act as protective factors. It's very clear that the most effective ways to reduce your teens drug use are to do the following things:</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br> <br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">1. set boundaries - COMMUNICATE with your kids what your values are about their using drugs</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">2. know where your kids ARE and WHAT they are doing - knowing who their friends are is HUGE - birds of a feather really do flock together</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">3. limit access to misused substances (prescription drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, aerosol sprays, etc.)</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">4. build a positive relationship with your children - EAT DINNER TOGETHER!!!</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">5. get your kids involved in community activities - the less unstructured, unsupervised time your kids have, the better</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br> <br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">Those are the top 5. If you do these things, it covers all the substances. But to be an informed parent of ALL the things that are out there is extremely important.</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br> <br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">Does that help?</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br> <br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">:-) Karen</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br> <br><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><i>Karen P. McWhorter, LMSW, CPS</i></font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">Director, Prevention Resources and Services</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">The Council on Alcohol and Drugs Houston</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">303 Jackson Hill St.</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">Houston, Tx 77007</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">(office) 281-200-9321 ~ (fax) 713-838-9351</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"><br></font><font face="Arial" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF">www.council-houston.org</font><font face="Geneva" color="#000000" size="2" family="SANSSERIF"></font> </font><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">_______________________________________________</div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; min-height: 14px; "><br></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">HCHYlist mailing list</div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">To unsubscribe, view list archives, or change options, go to: <a href="http://lists.search-institute.org/mailman/options/hchylist/deborah1701%40fishernyberg.com">http://lists.search-institute.org/mailman/options/hchylist/deborah1701%40fishernyberg.com</a></div> </blockquote></div><br></div></div></body></html>